🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?